One of My Hardest Days Yet

Saturday Update May 2nd, 2015

You might say that living with cancer brings about many changes.

I am not trying to be dramatic. Although I could be dramatic very easily, I won’t.  All of my adult life I have served people who have been diagnosed with cancer. I have ministered to entire families when cancer has entered the home. I have loved them, cared for them, sympathized with them, and imagined how I would feel if cancer entered my home.

Congenital heart disease and Duchene muscular dystrophy came into our lives with our boys Jeffrey and Billy. I knew how that felt. Then the day came on February 24th when the doctor told us, “Your scan results are back. I am so sorry to tell you that we have found a mass.”

Yep! You might indeed say that living with cancer does bring changes. Karen’s doctors appointments, clinic visits, hospital tests, lab work, chemo-therapy infusions that leave my beloved so very sick, the pleurX drains, surgical implants, and a dozen other things that are out of my comfort zone. But most of all, my beloved Karen has cancer.

The strange thing about being a husband to a cancer patient is that stuff hits you when you least expect it. Yesterday morning a well-meaning person made a remark about Karen’s cancer that left me struggling all day long. I felt a sense of forlorn, a despondency that I didn’t want to let on or show to Karen or anyone else (I of course couldn’t hide it from her!) It gripped me all day long.

I prayed. I wept. I held onto the verse Psalm 56:3, “What times I am afraid I will trust in you.” I wept some more. Out of the blue, unexpectedly when I was told “You know that Karen is never going to get rid of this” I can honestly say it plummeted me into one of the hardest days yet.

I know that we are dealing with a life changing situation that the Lord is able to miraculously remove the mass. I know that with medication and chemo-therapy, it is possible that Karen’s mass may be manageable for many years to come. I also know that the Rapture may come today and we believers will be home with the Lord in an instant.

I write today to be an encouragement to you and to remind you that your words are powerful. When you speak to others, stop and think about your words. The person who spoke carelessly didn’t mean to wound me so deeply. But those words did hurt me deeply and needlessly reminded Karen again of the seriousness of her situation.

Today I am doing better. The Lord brought several very precious people into our lives that through their thoughtfulness really helped both Karen and me today. Our God is so awesome and our dear friends are so very special to us. Thank you for upholding us.

Here are a couple of things to pass along as you continue on the journey with us.

• Maybe for each of us before we are quick to speak, might be well advised to ask ourselves, “Is this helpful? Is this necessary? Is this encouraging?”
• Elijah was a real man. His bravery in taking on the forces of darkness on Mt. Carmel is stunning (1 Kings 18). But at the words of the wicked Queen, he sits under a juniper tree in despondency. If it can happen to Elijah, it can happen to each of us.
• Anyone can be discouraged or depressed. Elijah didn’t stay there. Neither must we. Coming before the Lord, remembering His goodness, and sharing the burden with others are the exact ways out of the grip of discouragement. Read the rest of Elijah’s story in 1 Kings 19.
• We thank you so much for your prayers. So very many have expressed their concern in so many tangible ways. The Apostle Paul made a sobering statement in 2 Timothy 4:16. He stated, “At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me.” Karen and I surely cannot identify with this statement. Our family and friends have surrounded us, loved us, cared for us, pampered us, and helped us in so many ways.

Yes, it was a very hard day yesterday.

Today is a better day. In fact, it is a much better day. Cancer does bring many changes. But it doesn’t change everything. Our great God is unchanging. Our love for each other hasn’t changed. Our desire for our family to love the Lord and to walk in His ways hasn’t changed. Our desire to serve the Lord hasn’t changed. I could go on and on and on. Today is a much better day.

I probably won’t post anything tomorrow. We wait now until Tuesday when the Radiologist is going to measure the mass and compare it with the measurements he took before chemo-therapy began. We will let you know as soon as we learn the results.

Have a great day of worship with the Lord’s people tomorrow. Hugs from Longford Avenue!