1. Pull miserable fitted sheet out of drier and shake violently to find brown dress sock from previous wash load.

2. With right hand find left hand corner and pull towards your chest.

3. With left hand find and grab middle of sheet and pull over your head.

4. With your knees hold onto bottom of sheet.

5. Now twist that wretched sheet in a northeastly direction until the bottom of the sheet pops out from between your knees. Do not become discouraged, you are well on your way to Uncle Mike’s finished product.

6. Now, (and this is very important!) with your loudest voice growl with your deepest vocal sounds as you throw the wadded sheet on the floor. It must be thrown with energy. If you wish, you may pick it up and throw it to the floor repeatedly.

7. Leave that fitted sheet on the floor. Walk away. Put on size twelve white sneakers. Tie firmly.

8. Return to wadded fitted sheet on floor.

9. Stomp on silly fitted sheet until flattened.

10. Pick up from floor and place in the back of the closet under towels where no one will see the work of art.

11. Smile at your great accomplishment. At least you have washed that miserable fitted sheet. Some folks leave it on the bed so long that after taking it off, the only remedy is to burn it!

12. Get cup of coffee and thank the Lord for the many friends you have in life and on Facebook who will smile with you and get on with the rest of their day. Oh, and most importantly, don’t forget “He it is that does go with you; He will not fail you, nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6).